I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
