So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
