i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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