i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
