When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
