I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
