you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize