I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
