after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
