You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
