Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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