Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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