my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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