I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
