oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
