My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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