if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
