rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
