I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
