i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
