Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
