I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
