he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
where am i from again
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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