Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
