he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
