my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
