He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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