Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
