Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
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You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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