It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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