Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
