every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
