Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
