Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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