Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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