it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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