Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
