The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
