I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
