Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
