Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
