It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
