I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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