that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
