we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
