my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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