the day after is always just damage control
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
