I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
