if i died would you start the facebook group?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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