I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
