Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
