i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
