He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
