this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
