yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
