we have officially lost it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
