I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
