plz talk dirty to me
Small penises have feelings too.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
