You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
