We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
