I just made out with a guy for $7.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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