So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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